New Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama Jokes

YO MAMA SO OLD 

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

her memory is in black and white.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she has an autographed bible.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

her birthday expired.

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she ran track with dinosaurs.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she owes Moses a quarter.

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

her social security number is 1.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

when she was in school there was no history class.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

her birth-certificate expired.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

she watches PBS.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

her birth certificate says expired on it.



she drove a chariot to high school.

she farts out mummy dust.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she has all the apostles in her black book.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo Mama Jokes New Hilarious

Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic.

Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Yo mama is so bald, even a wig wouldn't help her.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter an entire loaf of bread with them.

Yo mama is so hairy, she got a haircut and lost 10 pounds.

Yo mama's hair is so nappy, she uses a rake to comb it.

Yo mama is so dirty, I was walking down the street with Yo Mama and when shooting started, someone yelled "Hit the dirt!" and everyone jumped on Yo Mama's back!

Yo mama's head is so big, she doesn't have dreams, she has movies.

Yo mama's head is so small, she got her ear pierced and died.

Yo mama's is so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Yo mama is so hairy, she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro.

Yo mama's nose is so big, she makes Pinocchio look like a cat.

Yo mama's got so much wax in her ears, I stuck a Q-Tip in and pulled out a Sugar Daddy.

Yo mama's gums are so black, she spits Yoo-Hoo.

Yo mama's breath is so bad, we didn't know if she needed a breath mint or toilet paper.

Yo mama is so bald, if she wears a turtleneck, she looks like a busted c*ndom.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down.

Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.

Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles, it looks like dice.

Yo mama's teeth are so ugly, she got pulled over for not having dental insurance.

Yo mama's head is so big, she has to step into her shirts.

Yo mama's got so much dirt under her armpits, she grows potatoes there.

Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo mama's so flat, the wall is jealous.

Yo mama's ass is so big, she has to crap in the dumpster.

Yo mama's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Yo mama's legs are so white, they'd disintegrate Dracula.

Yo mama's feet are so nasty, when she wants jam, she runs a loaf of bread between her toes.

Yo mama is so hairy, Bigfoot took her picture.

Yo mama is so dirty, kids eat her instead of mud.

Yo mama is so greasy, she uses bacon as a band-aid.

Yo mama's house is so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before going outside.

Yo mama's house is so small, when she orders a large pizza, she has to go outside to eat it.

Yo mama is so cheap, instead of buying a fire alarm, she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling.

Yo mama is so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.

Yo mama is so easy that when she heard Santa Claus say "Ho Ho Ho", she thought she was getting it three times.

Yo mama is so stank, even dogs won't sniff her cr*tch.

Yo mama is so lazy, she thinks a two-income family is where yo Daddy has two jobs.

Yo mama is so grouchy, the McDonalds where she works quit serving Happy Meals.

Yo mama is so bad, when she was called for jury duty, she was found guilty.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick, when she looks at the map, she can see people waving.

Yo mama's drawers are so funky, the roaches check in...but they don't check out.

Yo mama's house is so small, I put my key in the lock and stabbed everyone inside.

Yo mama's house is so dirty, the cockroaches drive around in dune buggies.

Yo mama's house has roaches so big, the termites have to carry switchblades.

Yo mama's car is ugly, someone broke in just to steal the CLUB.

Yo mama talks on the phone so much, I dialed the wrong number and IT was busy!

Yo mama referees bar fights without a shirt on.

Whoever said "No man is an island" never saw yo mama in the swimming pool.

I could have been yo Daddy, but the dog beat me under the fence.

Tell yo mama that I'm not coming over any more until she pays me for shaving her back!

Yo Mama Jokes

yo mama so fat see could not see her feet.
yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale she couldn't see the numbers.
yo mama so ugly she makes Freddy Cougar look like Beyonce!
yo moma so ugly they don't even have to use guns in the army cause they can use yo mama's picture!
yo mama so dark she was trying to eat a tootsie roll, she ate her finger.
Yo mama like a bowling ball she gets fingered thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more.
yo mamas so fat the most hightech scale couldn't calculate her weight.
yo mamas breath is so stank i look forward to her FARTS.
yo momma is so fat she uses 3 houses!
your mamma so stupid she threw a rock a t the floor and missed.
yo mommas so fat,she dont wear daisy dukes,she wears boss hoggs.
yo mommas so stupid, she took toilet paper to a crap game.
yo mommas so ugly, she turned medusa to stone.

New Yo Momma Jokes

Yo mamma so ugly the dumpster wouldn't even let her in.
Yo mamma so stupid, when the police asked her who killed her mother she looked in the mirror and said she did it.
yo mamma is so stupid she thougt the tire on a bus were chocolate dounats.
Yo mamma is so stupid that she went to the gap to get her teeth fixed.
Yo mamma is so fat that you have to grease the doorways and dangle a twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mamma is so ugly that when she lies on a beach cats bury her in the sand.
yo mamma is so slow that you asked her if she know any thing, she was speechless.
yo mamma so stupid she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
yo mamma so stupid she stole a free sample of bread.

Yo Momma So Greasy

Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!

Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

Yo mama so greasy her freckles slipped off.

Yo mama so greasy the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry

Yo mama so greasy she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed

Yo mama so greasy her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

YO MAMA SO POOR

Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box!

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r.

Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo Momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo Momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo Momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps.

Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo Momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

Yo Momma so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe?

Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop!

Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.

Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner!"

Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."

Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet! 

Yo mama Jokes - 5

Yo mama so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list. 

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put m'ms in alphabetical order. 

Yo mama so fat, she makes free willy look like a tic-tac. 

Yo mama so fat, when god said, "Let there be light!" she had to move over. 

Yo mama is like a shotgun, one c**k, she blows. 

Yo mama is like a meat locker, everyone stores meat in her. 

Yo mama is like an Xbox, she gets turned on by little kids. 

Yo mama so stupid, she has to study for a drug test. 

Yo mama so fat,, the last time she saw 90210 was on the weight scale. 

Yo mama so fat, when she saw a bus full of white people, she yelled, "Stop that twinkie!!!" 

Yo mama so hairy whenever she pulls her pants down they play "welcome to the jungle". 

Yo Mama Jokes - 4

Yo momma is so fat, she saw a school bus full of white kids and yelled, "stop that twinkie!" 

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals." 

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. 

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her doctor said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it." 

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. 

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. 

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her. 

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry. 

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow. 

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. 

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. 

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower. 

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras. 

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. 

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?" 

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday. 

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. 

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. 

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote! 

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out! 

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested! 

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! 

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats through the phone! 

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown. 

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone! 

Yo Mama Jokes -2

Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money. 

Yo momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r. 

Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving." 

Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! 

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!" 

Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp. 

Yo momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps. 

Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." 

Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut. 

Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. 

Yo momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus. 

Yo momma so poor you put roundup on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner!" 

Yo momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner." 

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles! 

New Yo Momma Jokes - 1

Yo momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet! 

Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe? Well, Yo momma so poor she live in a flip flop! 

Yo momma like a shot gun, two cocks and she blows! 

Yo momma like Domino's pizza -- Something for nothing. 

Yo momma like spoiled milk, fat and chunky! 

Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package! 

Yo momma like a bowling ball: She's picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter. 

Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!" 

Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" 

Yo momma like a hockey team...changes her pads every three periods! 

Yo momma like Chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap! 

Yo momma is like a racing car...chick burned four rubbers in one night. 

Yo momma like castlebury stew: servings are family size. 

Funny Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama is so stupid, she washed the chicken and ate the plate. 

Yo mama is so old, when she went into an antique store, they kept her. 

Yo mama is so fat, she got stuck, when she fell off GRAND CANYON. 

Yo mama is so stupid, when I slap her back, her tits fell off. 

Yo mama is so big, when she wears a red T-Shirt and goes out for a jog at the highway, cars a mile away stopped.

Anything Yo s - So Fat

Yo Mama Jokes - 2

Yo Grannie so damn fat, that if she was an Aeroplane, she'd be a Jumbo Jet.

Yo Grandpa so fat that he's half Scottish, half Irish and half American

Yo Wife so fat she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled, "Land Ahoy!!!"

Yo Priest so fat, when he bungee jumped he went straight to hell...

Yo Doctor so fat, that when her Beeper goes off folk think she's backing up.

Yo Auntie so fat when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into is the Dressing Room

Yo Bookie so fat he gotta buy clothes by the furlon

Yo Dentist so fat that when he burped he blew out all yo mamma's teeth...that why she so ugly!

Yo Papa's so large when you climb on top of him your ears pop.

Yo Father so fat that when he sat on a Rainbow skittles fell out.

Yo Sister so fat that even Richard Simmons can't help laughing

Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.

Yo Father so fat he can't even tie his own shoelaces

Yo Mama so huge that God created her...and on the seventh day rested.

Your Kid Sister so fat the Japanese Sumo Wrestling squad had to turn her down.

Yo Star Trek fan so fat he make Riker's beer belly look 2 atoms thick

Yo Lawyer's so fat...we're inside her right now.

Yo' Baker so freakin fat he masturbates when reading cookbooks

Yo Auntie so fat that Weight Watchers threw her out for breaking the scales.

Yo Boss so fat that when she calls a board meeting she has to pull herself up a Sofa.

Yo Air hostess so fat that on a scale of 1 to 10 she a 747.

Your boyfriend so fat he hasn't seen his feet for 10 years

Yo Bro so fat that when he farted, Mars came out...and I ain't talkin bout the 'sweetie'

You Nana so fat that when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60 foot tidal wave.

Yo Music teacher so freakin Fat that she whistles Bass

Yo Postman so fat he got his very own Post Code

You cousin so fat she's on Both sides of the family.

Yo Girlfriend so fat I ask her to go get a Curry and she bring back 80 pounds of gravy.

Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.

Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad

Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry

Yo Sister so fat she got a new job DJ'ing for the Ice Cream Van.

Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.

Yo Dog so fat that when you take it 'walkies' it don't know whether it walking or rolling

Your Mommas so fat, when it says All you can eat it still ain't enough.

Yo' Astronomer so fat she plays pool with Venus....and Neptune...and pluto...and...

Your Mama So Fat

 Your Mama So Fat - Yo Mama Jokes

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

small objects orbit her.

she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

she could be the eighth continent.

she nearly put Safeway out of business

the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

her fave food is seconds.

her belt size is Equator.

she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid

she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her

she shows up on radar.

she needs a map to find her butt.

she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

she wears an asteroid belt.

her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

she has TB ... 2 bellys.

she's once, twice, three times a lady.

she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

the circus use her as a trampoline

stunt agencies use her as an air mattress

when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen

she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

she deep fries her toothpaste.